FREE SHORT STORY, Valentine’s Day, and Almost Dirty Jokes
Happy Valentine’s Day! Because I love you guys, I have a present for you: a FREE SHORT STORY! Let’s get right into it.
FREE SHORT STORY
Today, I have my very first short story avaiable for you: Crimson Snow. And it’s FREE on Amazon, Nook, iBooks, Kobo and Google Play! Just pop over to the book page HERE and click to download. I already sent it to my husband for Valentine’s Day, so he’ll either think I’m very creepy or very funny. Okay, so it’s only half about love, but there is definitely a heart in it and who wouldn’t love that?
From the back cover:
Green Valley was once known for its fertile farming, picturesque mountains, and abundant wildlife. Now snow and ice cover all but the tallest homes. The only sounds are Maverick’s boots clumping through the snowdrifts and the frigid wind hissing down the mountain. Even the beasts in the woods have gone utterly silent.
But the path forward is clear, especially for one emboldened by optimism. So Maverick keeps moving, trudging through the abandoned town toward the desolate tundra beyond the forest, marring the snow with his bloody footprints.
To leave is a risk. To stay might be suicide.
Either way, no one leaves these mountains alive.
Intrigued? You know you are. Get Crimson Snow now.
Because it’s Valentine’s Day for most of the country, I have a doozy of a joke for you. If you’re not celebrating today, I’m sure you can still find a way to sneak the hilarity into conversation. I’ll be using this joke tomorrow when my husband and I officially celebrate. (That’s the day chocolate goes on sale, people. Work smarter, not harder.)
ANYWAY. Here goes nothing.
Tired of the same old Valentine’s Day gifts, a man wanders into an adult toy store. But everything seems too silly, too sticky, too scandalous, and he knows his wife won’t be into most everything he sees. Lovely she is, adventurous she is not: she doesn’t own a single lacy undergarment. Finally, he settles on some crotchless underwear–for himself. “She can’t say no to these.” Pleased with his purchase, he goes home, puts them on and walks into the bedroom to wait for her.
When he hears the front door, he climbs onto the bed and plasters on his best come-hither smile. He doesn’t have to wait long. The doorknob turns and there’s his wife, beautiful as the day he married her. But she doesn’t look happy; her eyes widen as she covers her mouth in shock.
Undeterred, he winks. “Come over here, sweetheart. I have something for you.”
She says nothing, just stands by the door, hands shaking.
Concerned, he finally sits up. “Honey? What is it?”
Horrified, she gasps: “If your penis can do that to a pair of underwear, I’m not going anywhere near it!”
May your Valentine’s celebration be filled with more allure and less horror. And grab Crimson Snow HERE for free, guys. Unlike chocolate, that sale isn’t going to stick around in the months following Valentine’s Day.